Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
