3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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