I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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