it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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