at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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