Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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