My pussy is not your playground.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
