The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
