wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
