I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yo dont text me then not text me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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