Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
