i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
