he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
