My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
