If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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