Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
