she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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