no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
