wrigley field is MILF paradise
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
