the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
