This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
