Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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