Screwed.edu
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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