Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
