I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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