I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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