Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
