My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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