Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
