Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
