And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
