Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
