she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My bed smells like the plague
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