Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
