My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
