My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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