i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
