he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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