The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
