My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
