so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
