You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
