He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
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I am one with the molecules
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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