Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
