I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
