yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
