i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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