I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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