Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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