You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour