we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂