I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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