we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
