Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
