girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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