burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
