dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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