He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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