I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we're making bets on your personal life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
