forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
