god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
