Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
